It’s Sunday, May 11th, 2014. It’s the 30th day of our 30 Days of Yoga together. It’s coincidentally Mother’s Day (that wasn’t planned, I swear). It’s rainy, gray, and cold out. I’m eating leftover pizza. No, really, I’m not the vegan shaman you were looking for.

At least I’m eating my pizza in deep reflection.

When I decided to do the 30 Days of Yoga, I really had no idea what it would mean. To be honest, I was a little apprehensive. I hadn’t practiced yoga regularly in a long time and I felt ill-equipped and out of shape. I spent a lot of time doubting that I could create or have a serious & transformative home practice. There was a lot of internal struggle. I also had to decide if I wanted to make the 30 Days public and if so, did I want to show people my yoga? What if it looked terrible? What if they saw the little belly that sags because I gave birth to the little dove? What if it’s just annoying fodder on the blogosphere or facebook? So much self doubt washed over me. What would it mean to change my life in this way and to share this journey in the hopes of helping others change theirs?

I decided my inhibitions were part of my ‘stuckness’ and I had to move forward with this work, to go public, to invite others to join me, and to record it all.

After all, part of this practice was intended to prepare me to teach yoga. But I still doubted…

The beginning was hard. My muscles ached. I felt wobbly and uncoordinated. I watched the videos and felt self conscious. But I stuck to it. Every time I posted a new video, a bunch of people would comment that they were inspired by them. Every day that I practiced I grew stronger. My feelings began to shift. My goal became clearer. My confidence grew. My practice expanded.

And you all jumped in. You were there with me even though we are miles apart. I could feel each and every one of you. I knew on the days I had struggles – maybe I was tired, sore, grumpy, short on time – I knew you had them too, but we were all persevering. Together. I could feel the energy this practice was creating. So many people were being inspired. People wanted more. People who have never done yoga wanted instruction. There was something about sharing my journey that made others want to start their own. I began to ask myself what I wanted to offer… what would the next step be?

My entire life has been a feminist initiative and my yoga is no different. I grew up in a Buddhist ‘community’ that was led by a male ‘guru’ who, while brilliant, also had sex with many of his his female students. The vibe in the community was patriarchal. I saw a lot of men in positions of power. I saw men making decisions. All in all it was merely a reflection of the outside world where people in general have very few examples of women gurus, teachers, and leaders. Then I grew up and I saw it all over again the yoga community. I studied Bikram yoga until I found out that he had been accused by many female students of sexual assault. Then we heard the news about John Friend – more sex with female students. The list goes on.

These are spiritual and religious teachers. These are leaders. These are people in positions of power. And they all abuse it. I’ve become so frustrated with the spiritual community and frankly the yoga community is so guilty of this shit too. Even beyond the teachers, look at Lululemon – a top selling yoga clothing company that degrades women’s bodies and blamed women’s thighs ‘rubbing together’ for the reasons their cheap fabric was see through and crap. The scariest part? Women still buy their clothes! Women still love the teachers I’ve mentioned above. Or, look at Elephant Journal, an online yoga and spiritual magazine whose 2nd most popular post of all time is a nude yoga video ‘shot by the husband’ & the all time most popular post involved ‘adult’ material because it’s about Playboy yoga! Elephant Journal talks about it as the ‘the ultimate challenge’ to traditionalist yogis (like I’m a stiff if I’m offended by Playboy yoga) & the idea that “as the Buddhists say, it’s our obstacles or enemies that are our best friends, provoking self-examination, questioning and growing pains” in reference to how folks might react to their posting of that video. Yes, you read that right. Let’s just kick back and allow the objectification of women in yoga because it provides good self examination. Gah! We live in a ‘man’s world’ STILL TO THIS DAY. Jesus. I’m tired. I’ve got a daughter to raise and it kills me that there are so few women leading politics and spirituality. And yoga goddamnit.

So that’s gotta change.

But there is also the feminist politics of what yoga has become and what it costs. Who is yoga for and who has access to it? Fortunately, a lot of folks are addressing this. There are many incredible female teachers who are not only challenging the idea of the yoga guru, but are taking the practice off the mat and into the world by doing community type work. There are great male teachers as well – even ones who get this sexist stuff and work with it on and off the mat.

I know, you are wondering what any of this has to do with our 30 Days of Yoga. Well, for me this journey was about expanding my view of what I wanted to contribute in this life. How is my yoga going to support social change? I’ve thought long and hard about creating a healing center for women’s human rights defenders, and that day may come, but until then I want to share this practice with everyone and I want to find ways to do it that are uplifting and supportive to everyone – no matter your gender, your sexual identity, your race, your income, your body shape, your past. I believe this practice has the power to transform the world. And if we all commit to a discipline like the 30 Days, I know in my heart we will see results that blow our minds. The power we hold to not only change our lives personally, but to change this world is magnificent and utterly unwielded. Yoga is a practice of coming home to who we really are. We must get up. We must start. We must take responsibility for ourselves. And then, only then, can we shake up a system that’s been in place for far too long. Maybe today it’s the system you’ve boxed yourself in with, maybe tomorrow it’s the system that’s controlled entire populations.

So, to this end, I’m starting with two things:

1. I’m inviting ALL OF YOU OUT THERE to join me in another 30 Days of Yoga beginning tomorrow, Monday, May 12th. We will do yoga for 30 minutes everyday for 30 days. I know you have 30 spare minutes because I’ve seen most of you on Facebook. I believe in your ability to do this. You might jump in for the first time ever using yoga videos at home or starting classes at a studio, or you might be joining from the past 30 Days. Awesome. Let’s do this. Let’s see who we can invite and see how many people can benefit from this. I’m also hoping to highlight certain asanas (poses) every few days as well to help folks understand the benefits. Feel free to ask me questions!

2. I have thought a lot about this and because there is so much interest from folks in my home town who would like some instruction, I would like to offer a donation based yoga class while I am in Boulder, CO this summer. I am on the hunt for a space that has a sound system. So if you know of anything let me know. Gah, it’s scary just to type this, but if I’m challenging you all to rise up and be the most authentic you possible, I best follow my own advice. Can I get a witness?

I am so proud of you all! And as Dr. Seuss once wrote: “But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a fighting creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.”

So on you will go. Love. Love. Love. and Yoga.

P.S. Here are my 30. I dedicate them to you.