Category Archives: Food

Old Thing Back, New Thing Here, and A Sunshine Smoothie.

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder and it’s true: I’ve missed this precious space and I’ve missed you, my dear readers.

We’re back after almost two months of travel. As much as I travel, transitions never seem to get easier for me. All of it, my body, my emotions, my spirit, my sleep… they are out of whack and unbalanced. Buddhists say that the soul travels slower than the body. I agree, it takes at least a week to settle into a rhythm.

But if I’m going to be totally honest, It’s also hard for me to come back to Sweden. There, I said it out loud. I know, I know, how can one complain about living in such a remarkable country? A country that provides healthcare, education, progressive politics (Swedish Feminist Party in the European Parliament, what?!), extensive vacation and parental leave, and fika breaks. But as much as I’d like to fight my feelings, spending time in New York, Colorado, and the Dominican Republic reminded me of a pulse of life that I just can’t seem to find here. This pulse that I long for makes me glow. Just ask Mr. Wonderful and the little dove… they’ll tell you that mommy was jumping out of bed at 7am while in the DR. Sun? Beach? Fresh fruit? Salsa music? These things turn me into the energizer bunny on crack. But give me cold and dark and you have to pry me out of bed with a bulldozer, 2 cups of strong coffee, and bacon.

It’s no surprise that I found myself with the post-vacay blues upon returning. It was raining. It was gray. It was cold. Not my strong suit. This weather feels French and makes me want to sit on the windowsill with a crocheted blanket and a cigarette (settle down, you know I don’t smoke, but it’s a feeling so just go with it) and another cup of coffee. I’m listening to Joni Mitchell, The Velvet Underground, Van Morrison, and Yusuf Islam (aka Cat Stevens)… so I guess that really says it all. Damn, it’s not even September yet.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why there is this dichotemy to life: vacation vs. reality. And the rhythm so many of us relatively privileged folks follow… work hard in jobs that don’t necessarily satisfy our soul and then take a few weeks ‘off’ a year to go somewhere warm and relax. Is it because we can’t live the lives we dream of, is it because it’s impossible, unrealistic, challenging, and ridiculous? Or is it because we have conditioned ourselves to believe this is the only way to live? What would happen if we chose to live differently?

I’m not talking about utopia here – although that has always sounded delicious to me. I’m talking about living our fullest potential. Coming home happy. Working in something we love. Giving back to a community we care about. Living life with true intention.

I read something yesterday about the the new moon this month and setting intentions for the next two years. I personally set a lot of intentions in my head, but they often don’t find their way to my life (you too, huh?). So, I was thinking, with us being knee deep in our 60 Days of Yoga (posted on Facebook, if you don’t live there BLESS YOUR HEARTS!, you can join us here for your 60 days now!), that maybe we should set some intentions. What if we believed our lives could be what we want them to be. I’m not trying to be all love and light, I’m genuinely trying to see what can happen if we set our minds on new tracks towards the lives we’ve always wanted. Do you think that kind of change is possible? I am beginning to. I’m not sure what it will look like, but I want to try, because the thought of getting old in the hamster wheel that most of us are on just doesn’t sound appealing.

Here’s an idea: Let’s write down our dreams, goals, hopes for the next two years. Don’t get too overwhelmed by the task, that’s not the point. Just speak from your heart. Be honest about what you really want in life. What would that look like if it manifested? Be realistic, but BELIEVE in your ability to manifest your true potential. Meaning don’t write ‘win a million dollars’ but instead write ‘create a solid financial situation through x,y,z.’ To give you an example I’ve started my list below (it’s not complete, but these are some of the things I’m thinking about):

Two Years Down the Road:

Live in a house with more land than house and create a big garden that supplies most of what we eat.
Learn how to raise chickens.
Go camping a lot and explore the natural world around us.
Have a photography show.
Have my own yoga studio or be teaching full time.
Go to India and Morocco.
Teach yoga to activists.

I’m setting these intentions and am committing to actively pursuing them. That doesn’t mean I sit back and just wait for the universe to drop it in my lap. This means I have to set smaller goals now and work on them.

I think it takes a lot of courage to pursue your fullest potential. I think it takes a lot of work and effort. I also think it is totally possible to live the life you’ve always wanted. I can’t count the number of people around me who complain about what is missing in their lives – I’m one of them. It’s exhausting. Instead, let’s shift our consciousness and literally jolt our life off course. Weigh what you have to gain or lose, be honest about the risks, have back up plans, but be BRAVE! Leave that old baggage at the door. You don’t need me to tell you that you are good enough and you deserve this.

It may not be sunny, but while I sip my delicious sunshine smoothie I plan to work on this two year plan and I hope you’ll join me. If you feel like it share it here! Saying it out loud is sometimes the best motivation there is.

So go make this smoothie now and start writing your goals. Let’s see where you can create light in your life.

Sunshine Smoothie:

With magic Peruvian Maca root powder and turmeric, this bright and refreshing smoothie is packed with hormone balancing power and cancer fighting goodness. This is my wake up and go do yoga smoothie. Careful, it’s kind of life changing (oh, but wait, that’s the whole point).

Ingredients:

3/4 cup frozen or fresh mango
1 banana peeled and cut into pieces
1-2 clementines peeled
1 small chunk of fresh ginger (about a teaspoon) cut into pieces
1 Tbs of organic Maca powder
1 Tsp of turmeric
1 – 2 cups coconut milk

Directions:

1. Place all ingredients in blender. Blend on high for a minute or until everything is incorporated. Enjoy!

p.s. Here is a video to keep you motivated during our 60 Days of Yoga:

Eggplant Parmesan Rolls with Kale and Mint, Prosciutto-Wrapped Asparagus, & Agua Fresca de Sandía. And the Most Important Day of the Year.

Today is May 27th, 2014. I woke up to a gray and chilly Stockholm morning. Bob Dylan was of course the only choice. I’ve been absent from this writing space, I hope you’ll forgive me. We’ve been busy bees and to be honest I’ve been stuck with my writing. I’m split between the silly banter I Iove to share and the more serious yogic reflections I’ve been having during this now over 45 days of practice. It feels really good to come back to this space though, and I truly appreciate all of you for reading these words and connecting. I feel so blessed by the growing numbers of people who are reading the blog and are joining our 30 Days of Yoga. It’s incredibly inspiring and I am so thankful for each and every one of you.

There are so many things I’ve wanted to share with you lately. Big things have happened in my yoga practice, big things have happened in my kitchen, and big things have happened behind my camera lens. But that’s all for another day.

Today, there is only one thing that matters.

On this day, some years ago, a spark of light shot out of the heavens and into this world. Like an arrow from the sun. That spark was my dearest sister Janina being born. It was track and field day at Uni Hill Elementary and I was 5 years old. It was a hot and sunny day and from the field where we were doing the three-legged race, you could see the backdrop of the beautiful Rocky Mountains. Our family friend Maryann showed up in her old volvo station wagon and told me and my brother that the baby was here and we were going to the hospital. I remember how hot the beige leather seats were and the smell of cigarette smoke so common in any car in the early 80’s. We drove away waving at our friends on the field. We got to the hospital and my parents let me hold this precious little light. I looked in her beautiful, big, brown eyes and she whispered without words: ‘Come In’ she said, ‘I’ll give you shelter from the storm.’ From that second I knew she would be the biggest, bravest, and most beautiful little sister anyone could have.

I’ve thought a lot about her lately. She is the one who brought me to my first formal yoga class. And while I was making fun of the teacher and his choice of new age music (that of course I now play during my classes), she was the one who smiled and didn’t have to say a word for me to understand that sometimes you have to stop judging long enough to receive the gift that is right in front of you. She didn’t have to say a word. Her openness to the world and new things, her ability to give things a chance, her choice to not stay mundane and stagnant, propelled me to challenge myself and try this practice. That moment changed my life.

But it was long before yoga that my sister lifted me up with her light and love. It was every time that I was down on the ground in a tangle of self pity and life’s inevitable blues, that she would be right there, holding my hand and making me laugh. She was there through every break up, every job lost or gained, she drove me to the airport every. single. time. I left the country (which was up to 3 times a month for over 7 years) and was waiting with open arms when I returned from conflict zones with stories of broken bodies and horrors that would be stuck in my head for months. And she was the one who drove me to the airport the day I left for good. I don’t know if I’ve ever cried so hard. Just thinking of that moment I let go of her and waved goodbye rips my heart wide open.

How can one person be so amazing?

When we were young she was a dancer and her grace revealed her true nature. While she may have felt like an insecure teenager, I could see what was inside. A gem whose light could shatter any darkness and any doubt. She would say she was afraid of public speaking, but then she would blow away a crowd with her poise and incredible words. Her artistic nature took her onto her career path as a hair stylist. She grew a business all on her own. Her talents built a large clientele who love her. She is more capable than she’ll ever know.

And then she found her life partner and became a mother to his beautiful and strong little 5 year old daughter. Just like that, without being pregnant, without labor, without preparation, she became the most amazing mother I have ever seen. She dove in. And oh what a mother she is. They say that in this position you are a ‘step-mother.’ For my sister though, there is no step about it. She is a full, compassionate, wise, deeply caring and hard-working MOTHER. I have learned so much about motherhood from her. I’ve watched her raise an incredible young woman.

My sister has a fear of flying, but that didn’t stop her from crossing the atlantic in the air with my mother to be by my side when the little dove was born. And when the little dove decided to be over 3 weeks late, my mother and sister changed their tickets at a high cost. And when the little dove still wouldn’t come and my mom couldn’t stay any longer, my sister emptied her savings to make sure she was with me. She changed her ticket like 3 times. And then she rubbed my feet and shoulders, she supported Mr. Wonderful, and told me I was strong enough, and kept my mother and the rest of my family updated, through what would become an arduous, 4 days laboring in the hospital. She was the third person to hold the little dove. And then when I had to have an emergency post-labor operation she held my hand all the way to the ER tears streaming down our cheeks and I knew that I could leave my new baby and my Mr. Wonderful and she would be there with them.

There are a million more things I could say about this unbelievable woman. This rock of compassion and generosity. She is in every ray of sunshine I see. She is every in every breath I take. ‘There are places I’ll remember, all my life, though some have changed, some forever, not for better, some have gone, and some remain, all these places have their moments, with lovers and friends, I still can recall, some are dead and some are living, in my life, I’ve loved them all. But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares with you, and these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as something new, though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before, I know I’ll often stop and think about them, in my life I love you more.’ Happy Birthday my darling dearest sister.

Eggplant Parmesan Rolls with Kale and Mint:

(adapted from Bon Appétit)

Ingredients:

2 medium eggplants (about 2 1/4 pounds total), trimmed, cut lengthwise into 1/4-inch-thick slices
Coarse kosher salt
Extra-virgin olive oil
1 1-pound bunch kale, center ribs removed and chopped into 2 inch pieces
2 large eggs
1 15-ounce container whole-milk ricotta cheese
1 1/4 cups finely grated Parmesan cheese, divided
2 tablespoons chopped fresh mint
3/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 15- to 16-ounce can tomato sauce
1 8-ounce ball fresh water-packed mozzarella, drained, thinly sliced

Directions:

1. Cover bottom and sides of each of 2 large colanders with 1 layer of eggplant slices; sprinkle generously with coarse salt. Continue layering eggplant slices in each colander, sprinkling each layer with coarse salt, until all eggplant slices are used. Place each colander over large bowl; let stand at least 30 minutes and up to 1 hour. Rinse eggplant slices to remove excess salt; dry thoroughly with paper towels.

2. Position oven rack 5 to 6 inches from heat source and preheat broiler. Line 3 large rimmed baking sheets with parchment paper. Arrange eggplant slices in single layer on prepared baking sheets. Brush both sides of eggplant slices with olive oil. Broil 1 sheet at a time until eggplant slices are tender and beginning to brown, watching closely and removing eggplant slices as needed if cooking too quickly, 3 to 4 minutes per side. Remove baking sheet from oven and cool eggplant while preparing filling.

3. Bring large pot of salted water to boil. Add kale to pot and boil just until tender, about 2 minutes. Drain; rinse with cold water. Squeeze kale very dry, then chop coarsely. Squeeze kale dry again between paper towels. Whisk eggs and pinch of coarse salt in medium bowl. Stir in chopped kale, ricotta cheese, 1 cup Parmesan, mint, and black pepper.

4. Lightly oil 15x10x2-inch glass baking dish. Spread half of tomato sauce evenly over bottom of dish. Divide chard-ricotta filling among eggplant slices, placing about 1 heaping tablespoon filling in center of each. Starting at 1 short end of each, loosely roll up eggplant slices, enclosing filling. Arrange rolls, seam side down, atop sauce in baking dish. Spoon remaining tomato sauce over. Place mozzarella slices in single layer over rolls. Sprinkle with remaining 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese. DO AHEAD Can be made 1 day ahead. Cover with foil and chill.

5. Preheat oven to 350°F. Bake eggplant Parmesan rolls, covered with foil, until heated through, about 30 minutes if freshly made or 40 minutes if refrigerated. Uncover and bake until brown in spots and sauce is bubbling, 15 to 20 minutes. Serve hot.

Broiled Prosciutto-Wrapped Asparagus:

Ingredients:

3 bunches of asparagus, stems trimmed 2 inches from the bottom
2 four-ounce packages of prosciutto di parma
Kosher salt
Freshly ground pepper

Directions:

1. Preheat the broiler to high (with the rack 6 inches from the heating element) and assemble the ingredients.

2. Divide the asparagus evenly onto two large baking trays.

3. Drizzle with a little olive oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Toss the spears to coat evenly.

4. Cut each slice of prosciutto into 2-3 thin stops lengthwise.

5. Wrap each spear with a slice of prosciutto.

6. Place a tray under the broiler for 5-8 minutes (tossing the spears at the halfway point) or until the prosciutto crisps up and the asparagus is tender. Repeat the process with the second tray.

Agua Fresca de Sandía (Fresh Watermelon Juice):

Ingredients:

1/4 – 1/2 (depending on size) watermelon chopped into cubes (seeds removed if large)
3 Ice cubes
2 cups water
2 Tbs chopped fresh mint
1 cup sparkling water

Directions:

1. Place the first 4 ingredients in a blender and blend on high for a minute.

2. Pour into a carafe and top with sparkling water.

Enjoy!

p.s. Here is Day 45!! Let your love flow!

Vietnamese Pork Meatballs with Fresh Asian Noodle Salad & Death.

Today I got an RSVP reminder in my inbox. It was for… wait for it… my 20 YEAR high school reunion. Gah. Go ahead, take a minute to digest that. 20 goddamn years?? I mean how old am I? You are never old enough to have been out of high school for 20 years, right? 20 years is like a full grown adult. 20 years is a bad prison sentence. 20 years is 2 decades. Multiple wars and even a little peace can take place in 20 years. 20 years feels like an eternity.

All of my friends who I went to high school with seem to be having the same reaction. It’s like having the wind knocked out of you and you can’t breath and you realize in that instant that you are human and you are going to die. Seeing ’20 Year Reunion’ feels like that. I’ve been jolted into my mortality on multiple occasions… some bad, some good, and while this is a jolt, it feels like a slow motion jolt, like a Paul Simon song, like nostalgia, like road trips, like sunburns and too many cigarettes. This body, this temple, it’s only our vessel for some time. Who knows for how long that time is? We often forget that this is all temporary… until we remember being 17 and realize how far away that is.

20 year reunions make you reflect on who you were then, who you are now, and whether you’ve followed your dreams. Who did you become? Where did you go? What battles did you overcome, what struggles continue? For some it’s overwhelming. For some it’s an ego trip. For some it’s just a fun time. For all it’s some form of a mirror. I mean shit, we’ve all gotten older. There is no preventing that. If we are having our 20 year reunion it means we are almost 40. When I was young I watched the show ’30 Something’ and thought the people on the show were sooooo old. And now I’ve almost surpassed them! How did it happen? Where did it go?

Some friends are anxious about the reunion, but the fact is – we are all struggling and we are all thriving, maybe at different times, but no one escapes being human. People have died, people have gotten married, people have gotten divorced, people have had children, people have lost children, people have found their dream careers, people have not been able to find work, people have traveled the world, people have stayed in our home town, people have grown to be better, people have grown to be worse, people have found what they are looking for, people are still seeking.

So why should anyone care? Why should a reunion cause any anxiety? We have this idea that we have to be the best or better than anyone could have imagined. It’s as if people think this might be their chance to clean the slate, to wipe away any poor memory people might have of them. Like a do-over. But why? What is there to prove? And to whom? Or are we really trying to prove something to ourselves?

What if we just showed up happy with who we are? What if we showed up as our full self with the scars and the victories? What if we did this every time life threw us that jolt and showed us how mortal we really are? If we could overcome the distracting insecurities that make the thought of getting old and dying so horribly scary, we might be able to shine brighter than we ever imagined. The truth is, death is right there. In any instant. As we get older we can either make peace with that fact, or keep running from it.

And let’s be honest, who the hell wants to be in high school again? I’d rather stick a fork in my eye, but instead I’ll grab some chopsticks and eat this. You should too because hey, life’s short and this is delish.

Vietnamese Pork Meatballs with Fresh Asian Noodle Salad (adapted from iamafoodblog):

For the Lemongrass Pork Meatballs:

Ingredients:

1 Pound ground organic pork
1/2 gluten free breadcrumbs
1 Egg
2 Tbs finely minced lemongrass
3-4 Cloves garlic, finely minced
1/4 onion, finely diced
1/2 Tbs fish sauce
1 Scant Tbs sugar
1/4 Cup sliced green onions
2 Tbs gluten free soy sauce
Fresh ground pepper

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

2. Gently mix together all of your ingredients and shape into 1 inch meatballs.

3. Space out on a parchment lines baking sheet and bake for 20 minutes.

4. Turn the heat up to broil and broil for 5 minutes for some added color.

5. Remove from oven and add to your noodle bowl.

For the Fish Sauce Dressing:

Ingredients:

2 cloves garlic diced
1 Thai chili or Spanish chili sliced
2 – 2 1/2 Tbs sugar
Juice of 1/2 Lime
Generous 3/4 Cups water
2 Tbs fish sauce

Directions:

1. In a mortar and pestle, crush the garlic, chili, and sugar until a paste forms.

2. Add the garlic/chili mixture to the water.

3. Add the lime mix and then add the fish sauce.

4. Place the sauce in the fridge for a few hours or overnight for the flavors to intensify.

For the Noodle Bowl:

Ingredients:

2 Cups cooked glass noodles
1 cup shaved carrot
1 Small cucumber sliced
Cliantro
Mint
Sweet Thai basil

Directions:

1. Make your fish sauce dressing in the morning and put in the fridge to marinate.

2. Bake your meatballs.

3. Prep your veggies for the noodle bowl and cook the glass noodles while the meatballs are cooking. Rinse the noodles with cold water.

3. Assemble your bowls with all your ingredients and pour a few tablespoons of dressing on top. Mix and enjoy!

P.S. It’s day 4, or day 34 of our 30 Days of Yoga!! You are doing such great work! I am so excited about how many of you have joined us. Feel the strength from our collective energy. Love.

Cacao, Peanut Butter, and Oatmeal Breakfast Smoothie & Breakdancing.

When I was around 7 years old, my brother was a incredible breakdancer. He was featured on national television with his crew and frequently did festivals and street performance. My family made ‘break boards’ – cardboard board that folded up with a handle so you could carry your dance floor wherever you went. A few times my brother’s crew took me downtown to break with them. They would put out a hat for donations and set up the boom box and the break board. Then I would take stage and bust out the six step. Yeah, that happened. My brother took me to my first breakdance movies, Breakin’ and Beat Street and I was hooked.

When I do yoga, I’m often thinking about how similar it is to breakdancing. I look at yoga asana and see this slick dance. For years I have wanted to take hip hop or breakdancing. As you know from my other posts, I grew up with music and dance. I danced through my teens and 20’s. You could literally ‘find me in da club with a bottle full of bub’ for like 15 years straight. I killed it on the dance floor. I danced my way though the rave scene of the 90’s, I salsa, bachatta, and cumbia’ed my way through Central and South America. I busted out salsa during hip hop songs and I got low, got low, got low, got low. The later years were all about hip hop. My entire week would be a build up to a weekend of dancing. And it went on like that for a long time.

Dancing and drinking went hand in hand – a little too much, sometimes a lot too much. At some point I woke up with my last hangover, body sore form the dance floor, and a busted bike that I had ridden home drunk. The clubbing sort of stopped then. I realized in a very blunt way that I was dancing and drinking away the darkness of the world. I was experiencing secondary trauma from working on women’s human rights issues and the drinking was soothing the thousands of human rights horror stories that ran though my mind every night. I had to stop everything for a while.

I moved to Sweden and I stopped dancing.

That sentence kills me. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I love to dance. Sure, I dance with the little dove in our living room at 11 a.m. and I love it. But, it’s not the same as a night dancing away to beats that move every part of your body and soul. In the dark with lights flashing, moving, moving, moving. Sure I knew that clubbing wasn’t really what I needed all the time, but then where does one dance? I kept telling myself over and over that I would take a dance class, but I never did. The confidence I had as a dancer faded and my intimidation grew.

But today, after drinking this power smoothie that I’ll tell you about below, I looked up ‘basic breakdancing’ on the internet. And just like that I was doing the six step again. Yeah, it was in my living room and during my yoga practice. Yeah it was slow and clumsy. But damn, it felt good. You see, sometimes it takes a long time to climb out of whatever well we’ve fallen into. My well was a deep hole where my career as a women’s human rights activist used to be, it was a hole where all my family and friends in the States were, it was a hole of everything I had known myself to be. Wells are damn hard to climb. The sides are curved, wet, slippery, and high. It takes everything we have to inch our way up. I think I slid down a million times in the last four years. Slowly I would build the strength to start climbing again. Then, one day you poke your head out and look around and you see the world with fresh eyes. You see that you can dance again. So you do.

Holy biscuits and gravy! This smoothie is like a dirty little secret that you think you can’t share. For shame! It is so good it must be bad. But guess what? It’s not! It’s packed with goodness: raw oats, dates, cacao, chia seeds, peanut butter, almond milk and banana. It’s like desert for breakfast, but it’s healthy and gives you energy. Say what? Make this now and then go do the six step out of that well! Then come back and tell me about it. Love!

Cacao, Peanut Butter, and Oatmeal Breakfast Smoothie:

Ingredients:

3-4 Ice cubes
1 organic banana
1/2 cup raw oats
2 Tbs Chia seeds
2 Tbs Peanut Butter
2 Tbs Cacao
1 to 1 1/2 cups almond milk or other non-dairy milk
5 soft dates

Directions:

1. Put everything in a blender and blend on high until smooth. I like the pour the almond milk in as the last ingredient as it helps prevent the cacao powder from poofing all over. Enjoy!

P.S. Here is a yoga video for inspiration. Day 27. You are brilliant.

Persian Inspired Cardamom, Rosewater, & Pistachio ‘Love Cake’ with Honey Rose Cream.

For the past two and a half years I’ve been a full time mamma. It’s easily been the hardest and most fulfilling job of my life. But the underbelly of me becoming a mother was a complete personal disregard for my own self care. I spent a good part of the first year with postpartum depression, although I didn’t really know it at the time. It was so very tough. I was completely embarrassed and confused by what I was feeling and felt very isolated and unsure of myself. I had gained a lot of weight during a pregnancy that was not at all what I had hoped and dreamed of. I also had to recover from six days at the hospital after four days of labor and a post labor operation that filled me with all the drugs I had managed to refuse during my hellishly long and difficult labor. The first few months were a strange time of falling deeply in love with this new being we had invited into the world and falling out of love with myself. I longed for my past – I felt like a stranger in this new body and role. Although I was constantly praised and loved by Mr. Wonderful, I wondered if I would ever feel strong and beautiful in my body again.

For a long time I was just waiting, waiting, waiting for some change to happen within me or outside of me. I walked everyday and the weight came off slowly over time, but I was still stuck in a conscious immobility that was born at the same time as the little dove. I made a thousand excuses for not being happy with who I was. The more I moved my body the better I felt, but the long, dark, winters, weren’t necessarily helping. I felt like I needed all these seemingly unattainable things to be who I wanted to be: six months at a yoga ashram in India with a legendary guru (preferably a woman guru – what?), another yoga teacher training, affordable yoga studios with welcoming communities, more experience, more this, more that, etc. It was a list that prevented me form movement. It was the: If I only had ____, I would finally be ____.

When I look around – especially at the yoga community (but not just), I see a lot of longing. There are so many folks who are searching for answers, gurus, the perfect pair of leggings (no, seriously). We become obsessed with the idea that if we only had the one thing, be it a teacher, the perfect handstand, or over-priced yoga clothes. Or maybe for some it’s finding the perfect partner, having a family, getting the great career, the perfect house, saving the world, etc. This longing somehow prevents us from being here now. It holds us back from this very moment. I spent ages wishing, dreaming, and longing for the perfect solution to my self doubt. All the while I had the power within me to make a change.

So what gives? Why are we always searching outward? What does it take to make us do the work ourselves, in the body we have, with the clothes on our back, and the money (or lack of) in our pockets, in our actual reality? It would mean being totally present in what might not be our dream world. The upside would be that we become unstuck and then who knows where we can go? The possibilities are limitless. It took me a long time to let go of the ashram dream and accept that for at least right now, my living room floor is where it is at. We live in a 400 square foot apartment with a 2 1/2 year old. It’s not much space, but surely enough for a yoga mat.

Self love seems to be the hardest lesson we have. I saw it over and over as a women’s rights activist – so much care given to others. We will risk our lives for others, but we will risk very little to move into the uncomfortable space of the now and make changes in our own lives. It is easy to care for others, to value their lives like pitchers of golden sunlight pouring life or prana into the dark cracks of the world. I think Milan Kundera put it best when he wrote: “On Monday, he was hit by a weight the likes of which he had never known. The tons of steel of the Russian tanks were nothing compared to it. For there is nothing heavier than compassion. Not even one’s own pain weights so heavy as the pain one feels with someone, for someone, a pain intensified by the imagination and prolonged by a hundred echoes.”

So it’s understandable that it can be hard to find compassion for oneself. To lift oneself up. To fill our pitcher and pour ourselves forth to fill our own cracks. What would that take? Would it take a big risk? Would it take recognizing the guru or teacher within yourself? Would it take loving yourself as much as you love the rest of the world? For me it took starting this blog and within it staring our 30 Days of Yoga journey together.

I can barely believe the change that has occurred. At first I thought that the videos and the blog posts were just for me, no one is really out there listening right? But you were. And you joined me in this opportunity to make deep changes. And what a blessing! For the first time since the little dove was born I feel strong in my body again. I feel proud in my skin. I feel whole and centered. It’s beyond what I imagined and it happened without an ashram or a guru. Now, that’s not to say that gurus are unnecessary, just that you don’t have to wait to find one outside of yourself to make change happen in your life. We just passed 20 days, and all I really know is that I want to do this practice everydamnday. I look forward to it, I long for it. I can do things I never believed I could do. I even held handstand for at least two seconds today. Wow. The healing. The strengthening. The calm. The kindness. The self love. The quiet. The compassion.

I heard a great song recently that says: “Well you’re the guru now, so visualizing healing, yeah you’re the guru now so visualizing leading.” Here’s to the the guru in each of you, the next 8 days, and all that comes after. Get off the couch, shut your phone, move your body, make your own damn cake, and eat it too, repeat. LOVE.

Cardamum, Rosewater, & Pistachio ‘Love Cake’ with Honey Rose Frosting:

Ingredients:

2 ½ cups flour
2 ½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp salt
¾ cup unsalted butter
1 ½ cup sugar
1 heaping tablespoon fresh ground cardamom
3 eggs, room temperature
1 Tsp vanilla extract
1 cup whole milk
¼ cup cream
1 Tbs rosewater

Frosting:

2/3 cup butter at room temperature
3 Tbs honey (I like Blue Gum honey)
4 Tbs boiling water
1 1/2 Tbs rosewater

Decoration:

Fruit or dried roses.
Heaping 1/2 cup of chopped, shelled, and roasted unsalted pistachios.

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350º. Grease and flour your bundt pan. Set aside.

2. Sift flour, baking powder, salt, and cardamom. Set aside.

3. In a large bowl, beat butter until creamy. Slowly add sugar and vanilla and beat 2 minutes.

4. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition, and then beat for 2 minutes.

5. Add rosewater to milk and stir.

6. Beginning and ending with dry ingredients, add them in three parts alternating with milk and cream in two parts. Pour batter into prepared pan, spreading evenly.

7. Bake about 45 minutes or until a tester comes out clean. Wait 5 minutes and inverto onto wire rack. Cool completely.

Directions for Honey Rose Cream:

1. Cream butter until light and airy and then add the honey in two batches, beating well after each addition. Add the water one tablespoon at a time and continue beating until the mixture is smooth and creamy. Add in rosewater and beat just until incorporated.

2. Trim Bundt base to level if necessary, ice cake with an offset spatula and then decorate with shelled and chopped pistachios and fruit or dried rosebuds (optional). Enjoy!!

P.S. Here are a couple yoga videos for inspiration!